I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
whose ass print is on the piano?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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