I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
