Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
