Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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