is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
