My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize