I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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