I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
