you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
