I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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