Jerry, you need to find god
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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