it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
