"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize