Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
