farters have to be the big spoon...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
