ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
