What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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