last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize