"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
