no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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