So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
