we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
