I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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