he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
