Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
