Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
