i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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