dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
