it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
