you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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