all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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