I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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