I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
All the doctor said was why
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
