she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
