In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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