i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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