Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
