I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
