you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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