Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
