you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
