yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
