ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
