forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
