Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
