I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
