These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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