it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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