i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
