If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
