you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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