Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
