Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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