shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
