That reminds me...we need to get swords
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I supernannyed him into submission
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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