Me too!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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