she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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