I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
