Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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