After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
