Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
