For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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