Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
