it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
