I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
