i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize