uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
