I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
