is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
